THE TWELVE THANK-YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS…

 

Remember the one gift that has eternal meaning in our lives.

John 3:16 ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have life everlasting.’

Now for some humor for your day!

THE TWELVE THANK-YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present!

Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,

The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write.

I’m so touched and grateful!

With undying love, as always,

Emily

Dec 27

My darling Edward,

You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It’s a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we’ll find some. Anyway, thank you so much; they’re lovely.

Your devoted Emily

Dec 28

Dearest Edward,

What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning.

They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly–they make telephoning almost impossible–but I expect they’ll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I’m very grateful, of course I am.

Love from Emily

Dec 29

Dearest Edward,

The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I’m afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to “wring” their necks. Mother has such a sense of humor. This time she’s only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.

Bless you,

Emily

Dec 30

Dear Edward,

Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn’t six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they’ve already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let’s call a halt, shall we?

Love, Emily

Dec 31

Edward,

I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I’d rather not think what’s happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!

Your Emily

Jan 1

Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I’m afraid I don’t find it very amusing.

Jan 2

Emily

Look here, Edward,

This has gone far enough. You say you’re sending me nine ladies dancing.

All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they’re certainly not ladies. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!

Emily

Jan 3

As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to have us evicted.

I shall never speak to you again.

Emily

Jan 4

This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes!

The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance.

I hope you’re satisfied.

Sir, Jan 5

Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.

I am, Sir, yours faithfully,

  1. Creep

Attorney at law

CHRISTmas Greetings

Remember the one gift that has eternal meaning in our lives.

John 3:16 ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have life everlasting.’

 

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Philosophies on why the Chicken crossed the Road…

Col 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ”

Philosophies on why the chicken crossed the road.

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that is the only trip the establishment would let it take.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phloem in its pancreas.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?  The end result of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

DR SPOCK: Leave the poor chicken alone. If you question his actions you may stifle his creativity.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the Chicken Office 2009, which will not only enable companies to cross the road more efficiently increasing profits, but will lay eggs automatically, file documents and balance accounts. This software can only be used on certain computers and companies not using the new road crossing system will be.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross the road.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing the road syndrome. Can you believe this!!?? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build the road for chickens to cross!

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I deny knowing about it and if I did I am sorry. I think I know of a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell their eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

Dr SUESS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed the road I’ve not been told.

GRANDPA/GRANDMA: In our day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, we trusted them to tell the truth, and we believed it.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING:                 Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop profitability at the trough and develop the core competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting (AC), in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy, its Parts Development Processes (PDP) and it’s (OFT) Manufacturing Processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and resources to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology to support the overall strategy within its Program Management framework.

Andersen Consulting then convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and the top chickens available along with their own consultants all having doctorates in the transportation industry. They held benchmarking activities with leading manufacturers and participated in multiple day long brainstorming sessions and held and developed a process to leverage their personal knowledge both tacit and explicit, capital, which enabled them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully designing and implementing an enterprise-wide value   framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median logistics processes.

The session was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an environment which while holistically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become a world class traveler.

In summary: KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

Be very careful in what topics you make complex…………..

Luke 18:17   ” Verily I say unto you, whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein “

The devil and the Nuts…

I Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

The devil and the Nuts!

On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery
fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by
the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several were dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for
you, one for me.” He just knew what it was.

“Oh my,” he shuddered, “its Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at
the cemetery.”

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an
old man with a cane, hobbling along.

“Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard. Satan
and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.”

The man said, “Beat it, kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me.”

The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ the truth. Let’s see if
we can see the devil himself.”

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable
to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars
of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of
Satan.

At last they heard, “One for you, one for me, and one last one for you.
That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence, and we’ll be
done.”

They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy.

I Peter 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

 James 4:7 “Therefore submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.”