The Golden Phone that reaches to Heaven…

Truth and humor for your day.

Psalm 66:19,20 “But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the
voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer,
nor His mercy from me.”

The Golden Phone that reaches to Heaven…

A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches
around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started
working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking
photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the
vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read “$10,000 a
minute.”

Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The
Pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to
Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man
thanked the pastor and continued on his way.

As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Austin, Greensboro,
Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more
phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Iowa. Upon entering a church in Marshalltown,
Iowa, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign
read, “calls: 35 cents.” Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor.
“Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each
church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a
direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other
churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents a call.
Why?”

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied,
“Son, you’re in Iowa now………………it’s a local call.”

If you are reading this and live outside of Iowa please do not be offended and miss what the real message is……

Change Iowa to your state and all is well. The key is that our Lord
loves to communicate with us!!!!!!!!! How fortunate we are.

And most importantly we are saved by grace through faith with no additives required!

I Peter 5:7 “Casting all of your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.”

A CHRISTian Soldiers Request for Transfer

John 15:20 “Remember the word that I said unto you, the servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

A CHRISTian Soldiers Request for Transfer…

To: Commander and Chief Spiritual Armed Forces, Jesus Christ

Dear Lord:

I am writing this to You to request a transfer to a desk job. I here
with present my reasons:

I began my career as a private, because of the intensity of the battle
You have quickly moved me up in the ranks. You have made me an officer and given me a tremendous amount of responsibility. There are many soldiers and recruits under my charge. I am constantly being called upon to dispense wisdom, make judgments, and find solutions to complex problems. You have placed me in a position to function as an officer, when in my heart I know I have only the skills of a private. I realize that You have promised to supply all I would need for the battle.

But Sir, I must present You a realistic picture of my equipment. My
uniform, once so crisp and starched, is now stained with tears and blood of those I have tried to assist. The soles of my boots are cracked and worn from the miles I have walked trying to enlist and encourage the instructed troops. My weapons are marred, tarnished and chipped from constant battle against the enemy.

Even the Book of Regulations I was issued has been torn and tattered
from endless use. The words are now smeared. You have promised You would be with me throughout, but when the noise of the battle is so loud and the confusion is so great, I can neither see nor hear You.

I feel so alone. I’m tired. I’m discouraged. I have Battle Fatigue. I
would never ask You for a discharge. I love being in Your service. But I humbly request a demotion and transfer. I’ll file papers or clean
latrines. Just get me out of the battle–please, Sir.

Your Faithful, but tired, Warrior.

——

To: Faithful, but tired, Soldier, Spiritual Armed Forces
Location: The Battlefield
SUBJECT: Transfer

Dear Soldier:

Your request for transfer has been denied. I here with present my reasons:

You are needed in this battle. I have selected you, and I will keep My
Word to supply your need. You do not need a demotion and transfer.
(You’d never cut it on latrine duty.) You need a period of “R&R”
–Renewal and Rekindling. I am setting aside a place on the battlefield that is insulated from all sound and fully protected from the enemy. I will meet you there and I will give you rest. I will remove your old equipment and “make all things new.” You have been wounded in the battle, my soldier. Your wounds are not visible, but you have received grave internal injuries. You need to be healed. I will heal you. You have been weakened in the battle. You need to be strengthened. I will strengthen you and be your strength. I will instill in you confidence and ability. My Words will rekindle within you and renewed love, zeal and enthusiasm.

Report to Me tattered and empty. I will refill you.

Compassionately,

Your Commander-in-Chief, Jesus Christ

Author Unknown

Luke 9:23 “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

Kids Letters to God…

Luke 18:17 “Truly I say to you, whoever does not accept and receive and welcome the Kingdom of God like a little child shall not in any way enter it.”

~~~ Kids’ Letters to God ~~~

Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on
vacation? – Jane

Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying. – Elliot

Dear God,
Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you?”
Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother. – Darla

Dear God,
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made
on Tuesday. – Margret

Dear God,
I read the Bible. What does “begat” mean? Nobody will tell me. – Love, Allison

Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that a trick? – Lucy

Dear God,
Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in
the house? – Anita

Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? –
Norma

Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You
just keep the ones You have now? – Jane

Dear God,
Who draws the lines around countries? – Nan

Dear God,
The bad people laughed at Noah – “You made an ark on dry land you fool”.
But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. – Eddie

Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
– Neil

Dear God,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
– Jane

Dear God,
You for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. – Joyce

Dear God,
Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day
of rest. – Tom L.

Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look
it up. – Bruce

Dear God,
If we come back as something – please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton
because I hate her. – Denise

Dear God,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha Ha. – Danny

Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their
own rooms. It works with my brother. – Larry

Dear God,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair
all over. – Sam

Dear God,
You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean

Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole
world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. – Nan

Dear God,
Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the
best. – Rob

Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right.
They’re just kidding, aren’t they? – Marsha

Dear God,
If You watch me in Church Sunday. I’ll show You my new shoes.
– Mickey D.

Dear God,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
– Love, Chris

Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it.
So, I bet he stolid Your idea. Sincerely, Donna

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Funny how…Where my Treasure is…

Luke 9:23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily,

Funny how…Where my Treasure is…

Actions truly do speak louder than words.

Funny how a $100 bill “looks” so big when you take it to church, but so
small when you take it to the mall.

Funny how long it takes to serve God for an hour, but how quickly a Team
plays 60 minutes of football.

Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church seems, but how short
they are when watching a movie.

Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we pray, but don’t have
difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we get thrilled when a baseball game goes into extra innings,
but we complain when serving takes too much of our ‘leisure’ time.

Funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the bible, but how easy it is
to read 100 pages of a bestselling novel or spend hours on the Internet.

Funny how people want to get a front seat at any game or concert, but
scramble to get a back seat at church services.

Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a fellowshipping
event into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule for other events at
the last moment.

Funny how hard it is for people to memorize verses to share the gospel with

others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat gossip.

Funny how we believe what the newspaper says, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven but don’t want to listen to the Gospel.

Funny how you can send a thousand ‘jokes’ through e-mail and they spread
like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord or
from His word, people think twice about sharing.

Mat 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Where is your heart this morning? I doubt there is one out there with myself

included who wasn’t a bit offended by one of those challenges. So…….

Romans 12:1, 2 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Feeding Sheep or Amusing Goats…

Hebrews 10:25 “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

Reaching the masses by Feeding Sheep or Amusing Goats…

An evil is in the professed camp of the Lord, so gross in its impudence, that the most short-sighted can hardly fail to notice it. During the past few years it has developed at an abnormal rate, even for evil. It has worked like leaven until the whole lump ferments. The devil has seldom done a cleverer thing than hinting to the Church that part of their mission is to provide entertainment for the people, with a view to winning them. From speaking out as the Puritans did, some Churches have gradually toned down their testimony, then winked at and excused the frivolities of the day. Then they have complacency in their borders. Now they have adopted them under the plea of reaching the masses.

My first contention is that providing amusement for the people is nowhere spoken of in the Scriptures as a function of the Church. If it is a Christian work why did not Christ speak of it? “Go you into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.” That is clear enough. So it would have been if he had added, “and provide amusement for those who do not relish the gospel.” No such words, however, are to be found. It did not seem to occur to him . . . .

Again, providing amusement is in direct antagonism to the teaching and life of Christ and all his
apostles. What was the attitude of the Church to the world? “Ye are the salt,” not the sugar candy — something the world will spit out, not swallow . . . . I do not hear [Jesus] say, “Run after these people, Peter, and tell them we will have a different style of service tomorrow, something short and attractive with little preaching. We will have a pleasant evening for the people. Tell them they will be sure to enjoy it.

Be quick, Peter, we must get the people somehow!” Jesus pitied sinners, sighed and wept over them, but never sought to amuse them. In vain will the Epistles be searched to find any trace of the gospel of amusement . . . .

Lastly, the mission of amusement fails to affect the end desired. It works havoc among young converts. Let the careless and scoffers, who thank God because the Church met them half-way, speak and testify. Let the heavy laden who found peace through the concert not keep silent! Let the drunkard, to whom the dramatic entertainment had been God’s link in the chain of their conversion, stand up! There are none to answer. The mission of amusement produces no converts. The need of the hour for today’s ministry is believing scholarship joined with earnest spirituality, the one springing from the other as fruit from the root. The need is biblical doctrine, so understood and felt that it sets men on fire.

by C.H. Spurgeon

Be careful not to allow you and your family fall into this trap. Seek out God’s truths and understand that He loves us and sacrificed His only Son for us. In turn He desires our eternal fellowship if we will but place our faith in Him. The Bride of Christ, the Church, was not designed as an entertainment center. It was designed to equip believers to go into the world and make disciples!

 Matthew 28:19-20 “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

Ephesians 4:11-12 “And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:”

Luke 9:23 “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

Tater People…

James 3:5-8 “Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.”

Tater People

Some people are never motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called “Speck Taters”.

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called “Comment Taters”.

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don’t want to soil their own hands. They are called “Dick Taters”.

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called “Agie Taters”.

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called “Hezzie Taters”.

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called “Emma Taters”.

Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called “Sweet Taters”.

James 1:22 “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

Where is God…

Romans 1:20a “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen…”

Where is God…

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons’ behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, “We might as well as we need to do something before I really lose my temper!”

The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?” The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?” Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “WHERE IS GOD?”

At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, “What happened?” The younger brother replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it”

What a great day to bow down to the King of King and Lord of Lords!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is God missing in your life? Look around you, the whole of creation screams of His handiwork and majesty.

Romans 1:20 “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:”