Tech Support, I need HELP…

Humor, Challenge and Truth!

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

 Tech Support, I need HELP:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as Monday Night Football 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4, a Sunday Nascar 5.1, and Clutter Everywhere 5.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs smoothly, and invariably crashes the system. Only under significant alterations will the software run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please?!?!

Thank You, Jane

Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception.  Many people upgrade from Boy friend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that
Boy friend 5.0 is many times only an ENTERTAINMENT package.  However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was modified by some Users to run as few applications as possible. The original Design programming was not that way.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boy friend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Many try but it only causes systems crashes. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boy friend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, which is not possible.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed as planned by the software programmer. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their “old time” favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boy friend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Husband 1.0 was designed to be perfect for the life of users.

Look in your manual under “Warnings: Divorce/Child Support.”  You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3; I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. A large dose of Unconditional Love 1.0 is required from the user and the software.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself; I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).  This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.  To activate this great feature enter the command “C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME” Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.

Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. There are viruses out there Silence 12.4 and Pouting/Laziness 7.9 so be sure to run your virus protection Soft Answer 12.6 frequently.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of Tears 6.2.  Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\>I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.

Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, Silence and Pouting. Pouting/Laziness 7.9 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete.

Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!  Just remember!  The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boy Friend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3, Patience 10.1 and of course Unconditional Love 1.0. Using it in conjunction with these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 run smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as Fixe B Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, Best Friend 7.6 and most importantly will provide Returned Unconditional Love 1.0.

A final word of caution!  Remember that Mother-in-law 1.0 comes with many of the same issues.  You should not attempt to uninstall. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother-in-law 1.0.

There is one solution, if you install Unconditional Love 2.0 you can safely manage Mother-in-law 1.0 and Unconditional Love 2.0 has features that work with all other programs.

I hope these notes have helped.  Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best in coming years.

We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Proverbs 3:5-7 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.   In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.   Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”

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